Leaked report: Mueller to target Humboldt County after wrapping up Russian interference investigation

This just in: Robert Mueller has vowed that he will swiftly turn his attention towards improper conduct in Humboldt County once he concludes his investigation into President Trump and Russian meddling in the presidential election.

“It’s only natural I take on the task of rooting out the stench of corruption in one of the U.S.’ s most politically corrupt areas,” Mueller said to a room crowded with journalists, who all quietly asked their neighbor where the hell Humboldt is.

Though Humboldt’s not big on the national radar, anyone who has had their ear to the ground over the past 15 years will tell you that any one of our bigger elections was chock full of back-room collusion at the least, if not outright improper conduct and fundraising shenanigans.

And, let’s be real, anonymous donors and bags of cash on the door step are just kind of the way things have been done around here for a while.

At THC, we assume that this includes almost any and every “major” politician in our County, considering that each and every one of our Supervisors were rumored to be on the take from cannabis farmers or developers or environmental groups at one time or another.(THC, in fact, has semi-implicated all three groups. Whoops!)

But will Mueller’s investigation stop there? Aside from the usual suspects in office, who would draw attention in our local scene for being a little too chummy with our politicos?

Most recently, Humboldt’s anti-Harbor folks got there panties all bunched up over the Harbor District race, when people were throwing out accusations at Greg Dale for his involvement in deals made with the company he runs. (Also of note – apparently all those accusations were bullshit, because the lawsuit against Dale and the Harbor District has gone exactly nowhere. Sorry Greg!)

But who could Mueller target? We’d assume that an easy – and popular! – candidate for investigation would be Humboldt’s wayward son, Robin Arkley, but that’s just too easy. But we’re guessing Mueller wouldn’t have to look far when it comes to ol’ Rob, either.

(THC has also personally contacted Mueller’s office to request that he determine once and for all who has the biggest ego, Trump or Arkley, but that could take years. Fingers crossed, kiddos.)

Of course, we’d be happy to help Mueller in any way that we can – especially since we have reason to believe Russian meddling impacted one of Humboldt’s most prestigious annual elections just this past year. (In case you need a refresher on that dastardly deed: BREAKING: Russian hacking, HAF behind Cleary’s sudden win in THC’s biggest asshole competition

So…who’s on the person of interest list, Humboldt?

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5 Responses to Leaked report: Mueller to target Humboldt County after wrapping up Russian interference investigation

  1. Lynn Mae says:

    I don’t have a name or a face but there must be someone who has pulled the strings to get the County of Humboldt to hire two such poorly qualified and whatever the opposite of pro-active is employees such as the Public Defender and the County Counsel. Both offices are appointed, so there is no opportunity for the electorate to have a say in them holding office.
    So two of the three top legal officials in the county are appointed. And it goes on behind closed doors. And who knows what happened before?
    How many criminal trials have been postposed because the Assistant/Deputy Public Defender
    had a scheduling conflict? How has their caseload hindered them in handling all the documents
    and evidence in a prompt and timely manner?
    If HumCo had a decent Grand Jury they should be investigating the reasons behind the delays and how short-staffing and work-overload contribute to it. And has the appointed Public Defender actually represented a defendant in a criminal trial all by himself, wearing his big boy pants and talking lawyer talk with the rest of them?
    Although I don’t have a tinfoil hat to go along with some of my wilder theories, but since THC seems to appreciate flights of fancy, I’ll say that I think Marcus has been involved in some shady dealings (through Cella) having to do with copper mines both domestic and South American and
    a corporation that folded having no value but having had a foreign owner/investor. And then there was a phone company that had one or two employees but brought in over $300,000 a year and then (also) suddenly went out of business. (same address as Marcus in Florida).
    But I can’t decide if it’s all flim-flam or he was a federal undercover witness, now hiding out in Humboldt.


  2. Budman says:

    Hes wasting his time. Humboldt is in its death throes. The money is gone. Let it die


  3. Better look into Election fraud in Trinity County also and our Board of Supervisors .. and Rick Tippett of road /planning dept .All wasting some serious money ..we don’t have.. Have been trying to get Federal gov attention since last November.. thanks


  4. Esther says:

    I think Trump edges Arkley on the ego scale, but just by a nose


  5. Sour chasm says:

    Russian/slavic mafia grows in the county? 200 owned properties and Big bags of cash, maybe half a billion in land purchases and set up expenses…. nah, don’t look there, there’s no gubmint money or agenda in looking there.


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