Citing their inability to legally give away publicly held lands to a private group, the City of Eureka has shockingly decided to hand over control of the City’s holdings on Indian Island to the Humboldt County Public Administrator’s Office.
According to City officials, the Administrator’s office has so much experience stealing dead people’s stuff that it is a natural fit to allow the Administrator to oversee the distribution of the lands in question, which were previously inhabited by the Wiyot tribe. The Administrator’s legal authority to do so is substantiated by County Civil Code B.S. 615.3(a), which states that the “finder’s keepers” rule does indeed apply to former indigenous property.
Eureka Mayor Frank Jager was unavailable for comment or a photo shoot, but THC thankfully had this stock photo* on hand from a previous edition of THC:
Rob Arkley, who made waves locally by offering to purchase Indian island (in order to keep it out of the hands of natives tribe who lay claim to it), was reached for comment. In response to the City’s new direction with the Indian Island property, Mr Arkley said: “Really? Cool.”
When asked to gauge his own continuing interest in purchasing Indian Island, Mr Arkley stated: “Oh, I was just window shopping. I don’t have anywhere near enough money to do something like that these days. I just said all that crap to get a rise out of all my haters, and the dumb f***s fell for it! Ha!”
In an unrelated story, the Administrator’s Office announced that public employees will receive an additional 10% discount on illicit goods purchased in cash, without a receipt issued.