BREAKING: Russian hacking, HAF behind Cleary’s sudden win in THC Biggest Asshole Competition

After an inquest into the legitimacy of The Humboldt Consequential’s celebrated  award, THC’s Director of Security has published a controversial report that links Patrick Cleary’s unprecedented comeback win in the Biggest Asshole of 2016 with interference from Russian intelligence agents – who allegedly worked in tandem with members of Cleary’s Humboldt Area Foundation and subversive political group True North Organizing Network.

It was previously reported (by us, right here in this story) that Patrick Cleary’s surge in the polls was likely driven by a Facebook post made by Ryan Sundberg’s wife imploring the public to save her husband from being crowned the area’s top asshole for two years in a row. A huge surge in voting for Mr. Cleary occurred soon after Sundberg’s post went viral.

However, indications now suggest that Russian intelligence agents were notified of the opportunity to have HAF’s leader recognized as the top asshole by members of HAF soon after the Facebook post were making the rounds, and it’s believed that Russian agents were encouraged to use Sundberg’s post as cover.

An  inside source at HAF – who asked to remain anonymous – confirmed his suspicions that HAF and Cleary did indeed funnel money donated by the public towards illicit political activities, including the Biggest Asshole hack.

Recently acquired intelligence photos (shown below) suggest a close relationship between Russian leader Vladimir Putin and Patrick Cleary.

putin

Another unnamed individual with close ties to Cleary’s organization strongly denied any allegations of Russian collusion with HAF in either influencing or outright fudging the outcome of THC’s poll. According to the insider:

“Listen, HAF had nothing to do with it. Look at the tweet we sent out earlier – clearly that shows that nothing illegal occurred. Patrick Cleary is legitimately Humboldt’s Biggest Asshole, fair and square. He is a stupendous asshole. Huge.”

Our source went on to say: “However, if the Russians did get involved – without our knowledge – I think it reflects really well on the reputation that Patrick has cultivated for himself as a world class asshole. I mean, he is a really great asshole. No one can argue with that.”

THC has vowed to get to the bottom of the alleged hacking, and will update the public should any new evidence come to light.

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9 Responses to BREAKING: Russian hacking, HAF behind Cleary’s sudden win in THC Biggest Asshole Competition

  1. Arcatan says:

    You guys are totally hilarious! I am a little disappointing since I voted Sundberg.

    Like

  2. This is a very important issue and the fact other news sources are not covering this only shows how deep the deception and trickery goes. Please continue to use all your sources and keep us advised should new informants come forward.

    Like

    • Have no fear, we are on the job! Actually, it’s Humboldt so we have no jobs, at least none with reportable income. Either way we will continue to dig deep in our search for truth within the mire that is our community. Cheers!

      Like

  3. Angel says:

    The picture is fake. A two year old could tell. The head is pasted on. How dumb!

    Like

  4. Zing! says:

    Did Ryan Burns write this? ha!

    Like

  5. Jayne says:

    Toooooooooooooooooo Funny!

    Like

  6. Daddy says:

    Betcha Chiv is secretely turned in by that photo

    Like

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