The machines and r0b0t 0v3rL0rds are coming for your minimum wage jobs

Good ol’ Governor Jerry Brown issued a statement this week saying that he will sign a California bill increasing the minimum wage to $15.00 a hour. While that announcement is all-around bad for residents of the Golden State, let’s take a moment to appreciate the bat-shit craziness and unpredictability of Jerry Brown. You just never know what that wily old fox is gonna do next, which THC must admire.

Now, chances are you’ve heard the arguments for and against minimum wage hikes. If you’ve read much of THC, you can probably guess what our position on the matter is. If you are a lucky newcomer, we shall sum up our thoughts on hiking minimum wages with the phrases, “Eww,” “Gross,” and “OH HELL NO KILL IT WITH FIRE!”

But don’t be distracted by arguments about how hiking minimum wages will kill small businesses in California, lead to out-of-state competitors totally owning our shit in the coming decades, cause a correspondingly larger rise in wages of all other workers (because you know all the unions won’t be satisfied with their members making the same, or even close to the same, as those icky minimum wage earners), and overall f*** the economy up.

No, don’t worry about that. What you should focus on is the robot revolution. That’s right – the robots are already taking steps to become completely autonomous. They can now serve you food. They have already been trained to fight (freakin’ awesome, right??) What’s next? Thinking for themselves?

What? They already can? OH SHI-

Here’s a piece from a recent story that includes quotes from the CEO or something of Carl’s Jr., who is hilariously named Puzder, talking about how minimum wage hikes may change their business model.

Puzder’s interest in an employee-free restaurant, which he says would be possible only if the company found time as Hardee’s works on its northeastern expansion, has been driven by rising minimum wages across the US.

“With government driving up the cost of labor, it’s driving down the number of jobs,” he says. “You’re going to see automation not just in airports and grocery stores, but in restaurants.”

Gosh, can you just imagine how small business owners will cope with a high wage crisis if the evil corporations that pro-wage hike people love to vilify? They’ll probably end up selling their business to the robots instead of making them do the work.

THC, for one, will welcome our new robot overlords. Just read the comments from the past week – we hate people! (Equally, of course.) And raising the minimum wage just prior to the robo-apocalypse is exactly the kind of cruel, false-hope-giving tactic that we can fully get behind. Take that, masses!

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The machines and r0b0t 0v3rL0rds are coming for your minimum wage jobs

  1. Dennis says:

    You and Fred Mangles think alike…


  2. John Chiv says:

    Can the food and drinks be delivered Star Trek style? I think self serve kiosks are a great idea.

    THC you just like automation because now you don’t have to leave the house to get Mike’s!


  3. Sammy says:

    oh, you mean we actually get to go BACK to automat food???


  4. Henchman Of Justice says:

    The farther wages get away from ZERO, the more unlikely it is that “wages” make up for “costs”.

    The farther wages get away from ZERO, the more government can tax and collect.

    The farther wages get away from ZERO, the higher societal valuations become on all goods and services.

    The farther wages get away from ZERO, the less ability for competition in business and for the individual to prosper.

    The farther wages get away from ZERO, the greater the disparity between the haves and have nots.

    The farther wages get away from ZERO, the less opportunity the individual has to live ‘outside of mainstream society”.

    The farther wages get away from ZERO is to manifest a society dependent upon only society itself where deviation of any sort is an automatic self destruct button.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s