R.I.P. : The demise of Hezekiah’s once-promising political career

THC fans, let us apologize here and now.

We, like you, sincerely hope this is the last you will ever have to hear about Hezekiah Allen in connection with any sort of bid for an elected public office.

As your faithful Humboldt political watchdogs/smack-talkers, we’ve been working hard behind the scenes to get all of the dirty facts about Hezekiah to ensure that everyone knew electing him to any sort of office would have been an absolute catastrophe. Simply put, he would have made a complete circus of any office he held.

Because that’s what clowns do!

We had to stop halfway through making this picture because we got too scared - that soul patch was a frightening decision.

We had to stop halfway through making this picture because we got too scared – that soul patch was a frightening decision.

The number of things that make Hezekiah unfit for office is astounding. Obviously, there is his involvement with the Emerald Growers Association. I can’t imagine why Hezekiah (or anyone who would support him for office) thinks that growing dope and representing dope growers is any sort of preparation for being on the Harbor Commission. Maybe Hezekiah’s brilliant job growth platform was based on converting the bay’s aquaculture beds to sea-based hydroponic cannabis operations.

(Don’t worry, Coast Seafood’s cronies on the Harbor Commission wouldn’t have let any other competition into the bay – they don’t allow competition from legitimate industries as it is.)

Now that we think of it, what type of actual job did Hezekiah ever hold prior to being paid by large-scale pot growing interests to lobby for them in Sacramento? We’ve heard that he called himself an environmental consultant, but the whole self-credentialed thing is a tough pill to swallow. At THC we like to pretend we are astronauts and wizards, but just imagining it doesn’t make it a reality.

Remember that whole State Assembly run fiasco a few years back? When he had to drop out because he literally just couldn’t handle the strain of a campaign? Talk about a head case.

To be fair, campaigns aren’t easy (especially when you are getting your ass handed to you by your opponent). But when you fail to make it through one political campaign, and subsequetly fail to  qualify for the next election you pursue because you couldn’t  find 25 signatures from registered voters that support you? We think that’s a pretty clear indication that he’s not cut out for it.

But who knows, maybe he originally had  25 qualified signatures but was so desperate for some papers to roll up his latest samples from the Emerald Growers Association that the signatures went up in smoke. Just like his political “career”.

And please, don’t forget that Hezekiah just started his three year probation for a DUI earlier this year. No wonder he hung his hat  looking into re-establishing rail service in Humboldt County – it wasn’t for the economic benefits to the area or to bring right-wingers to his cause; it was so he would have a way to get to the Harbor Commission meetings.

We had hoped that the rumors Hezekiah was going to run against Rex Bohn for County Supervisor were false, but it sounds like they’re gaining more momentum this week. Let’s be clear: Hezekiah Allen is not an improvement over any of the current Supervisors (probably not even Lovelace), and definitely not over Rex.

Again, THC is sorry that anyone in this county will have to continue hearing about Hezekiah running for anything (except maybe how he tried to run from his connection with the pot raids that happened out on Island Mountain earlier this year – we’d love to hear about his latest efforts to distance himself from that).

Our advice is to just ignore any mention of his name in connection with a bid for office – we know that we will.

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3 Responses to R.I.P. : The demise of Hezekiah’s once-promising political career

  1. Mac Towner says:

    I was actually introduced to this guy at one point by someone I really admire and respect. He talked a good line and I was almost convinced….till I got a call from my friend apologizing for his mis-judgement and gross mis-calculation of Allen’s integrity and judgement.

    Now I know why I got the second call. what a buffoon.

    Clown seems to be a pretty good characterization.

    Like

  2. Sammy says:

    You crack us up —– too funny for words. Thanks THC 🙂

    Like

  3. milldoin says:

    I think we should let Hez off the hook and let him run with just the seven signatures, after all he is THC impaired.

    Like

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