Arcata’s War on Grass

Tonight, in the normally extra-green City of Arcata’s City Council meeting (should you choose to attend – we’re not), you can watch in horror as the City Council Members approve their next big purchase to further their War on Terror Drugs Transients Grass.

Yes, grass. No, not the kind of grass that they want to establish a special little business park for. The kind of grass that the County got some heat for watering outside the Courthouse recently.

That’s right – even though you’re not really supposed to be watering your lawns in order to help them grow, the City of Arcata has decided to spend some serious cash on a device of Mass Lawn Destruction.

From the City Council’s agenda for Wednesday Night:

“Approve the Purchase of One 2016 Ford F450 Regular Cab 4×2 Stakeside Dump Truck from Harper Ford for $46,775 and One 2016 Toro Groundsmaster 3280D 4WD Diesel Mower from Turf Star for $25,221; and Authorize the City Manager to Execute All Applicable Documents.”

$25,221 for a mower? Yikes. Take a look at the mower/behemoth here. Pretty fancy, huh? We hear it’s got a Hemi, too.

That kind of arms race reminds of us something from wayyy back in the day.

Die grass die!

Die grass die!

Yes, there’s plenty of other business going down in Arcata tonight – including a staff report on the unfunded portions of Arcata’s CALPERS obligations. That total for 2015/2016 comes in at a cool $16.3 million. The staff report will focus mostly on options for financing the CALPERS liabilities the City is facing, and we have a couple suggestions ourselves. (We would say: Buck the system and stop the compensation practices that lead to the CALPERS problem, but let’s be real: if there’s one thing our local governments love, it’s paying people way too much and driving the tax-payers’ bills through the roof to fund it.)

First off: Don’t buy a mower worth a down payment on a house. Maybe look into getting some goats to munch on those sweet, sweet greens. Or contact Arcata’s resident yak-man and see if you can work out some sort of barter-trade deal.

yak man

Or, arm all the plazoids with nail clippers and have them chop the grass down blade by blade; that should keep them occupied, and might solve the harassment issue for innocent ladies trying to traverse the Plaza. It’s tough to catcall somebody while you’re on your knees cutting grass – believe us, we tried.

P.S. Mayor Winkler – we’re still hoping you’ll give us a call.

Sincerely,

The Humboldt Consequential

 

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3 Responses to Arcata’s War on Grass

  1. Milldoin says:

    I can’t wait until they have to mow down the community forest to pay for the unfunded retirement obligations.

    Like

  2. Marc Delany says:

    Paul Pitino is mayor now… he had to fight the rest of them to get his seat… Arcata, Arcata, Arcata….

    Like

  3. Bob says:

    Funny how Arcata has the strongest economy of all of the cities in Humboldt County. Maybe Eureka and Fortuna could learn a thing or two from these beatnik hippie’s running the City of Arcata?

    Like

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