Don’t go in the water: Humboldt’s own political shark

You ever look into a Matt-Shark's eyes, Chief? They're like a doll's eyes, all dead and black inside

You ever look into a Matt-Shark’s eyes, Chief? They’re like a doll’s eyes, all dead and black inside

There are certain rare, cosmic occurrences that stop people in their tracks and force them to contemplate their role on this little blue dot we call Earth.

Eclipses. Planetary alignments. Asteroid impacts. Messages from outer space (yes, life does exist out there!)

Citizens of planet Earth – and particularly those of Humboldt County – were particularly blessed this week by such an event.

Of course, we refer to the simultaneous release of two of our favorite guilty pleasures in the realm of mindless pulp media.

In the same week, we were all graced with Discovery Channel’s Shark Week, and the release of the ever laughable/infuriating/”is he frickin’ serious?” LoCo feature, Matthew in the Middle. matty shark circle2Mr. Owen – the affable concubine of our very own Supervisor Virginia Bass – released yet another of his much-maligned “opinion” pieces on the highly popular pages of the Lost Coast Outpost. His posts are famous for turning normally level-headed individuals into rabid, slaveringly incredulous people who literally gag while trying to comprehend what the hell he is talking about. (Yes, we know, this may be the pot calling the kettle black. We just don’t really care.)

Ol’ Matty boy has plenty in common with sharks. He’s a cold fish, for one. He lacks any sort of actual bone structure (a.k.a. he’s spineless as a jellyfish.) And – much like a Matty Shark totally whiffing on a delicious seal, as pictured at the top of this post – he’s often way, way off the mark.

But, though he probably thinks people give a damn what he thinks, and that he has some sort of influence on the Humboldt Political scene, he is relatively harmless. No need to cancel tourist season on account of him. Much like the baleen-lined mouth of the whale shark, he lacks bite.

That doesn’t mean you should get in the water if you suspect he’s lurking nearby – that kind of idiocy is contagious!

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4 Responses to Don’t go in the water: Humboldt’s own political shark

  1. Absolutely not harmless. He is the posterchild for political expediency.

    He is not the cause of our broken politics, but he will use it to support his agenda.

    I guess kinda like all the rest of us.

    To his credit – he does it with his own name on the line. hmmmm.

    btw thc – Jon Yalcinkaya here. Hi.

    Like

  2. Milldoin says:

    He lost my confidence when he stated that Richard Marks was the best political mind in Humboldt County.

    Like

  3. Sammy says:

    Milldoin: you are too funny for words. I love it!!! To say Marks is the best political mind in the county is a tad of an overstatement. He reminds me of a post turtle – how the hell did he get up there and funnier: how the hell is he gonna get down?

    Like

  4. Seriously? says:

    Word on the street is that Lovelace’s divorse will free him up to move to Sac for another job. I also heard that Arcara Mayor Mark Wheetly is the new anointed one for the Supe seat. I don’t agree with him much but at least it’s not another total ahole.

    Like

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